We don’t usually get the chance to try out a tool that makes our junk bigger, but this week we were treated. As a well-deserved break from fucking every fake pussy on the planet, our worn-out dicks began testing the new Fleshlight FleshPump to see if it was worth all the hype. Already skeptical as to the overall efficacy of penis pumps, we went into this endeavor with an open mind that was prepared to be disappointed. Luckily, that wasn’t the case in the end.
The Science Behind Electric Penis Pumps
Being somewhat new to the whole penis enlargement game wasn’t something we were willing to admit, so we took the time and did our research. For the most part, the companies that manufacture penis pumps are doing more than selling dreams to men with embarrassingly small dicks. There’s actually a science behind it. Penis enlargement, which is often referred to as “male enhancement,” is achieved using various tools and techniques, each designed to stimulate penile growth, increase girth, elongate the organ, create a more rigid boner, or all the above. And while some male enhancement apparatuses are nothing more than an expensive joke, the Fleshlight FleshPump puts them all to shame.
Back in the day, if you wanted a bigger penis you either had surgery or you went without. When penis pumps and male enhancement products first started flooding the market, they were all pieces of shit. After a few years of hate mail from pissed off men, those in charge of male enhancement stepped their games up. And, since the Fleshlight brand is known for being ahead of its time, their new FleshPump is already a leader in the industry. We aren’t surprised. We are, however, relieved, especially considering how a lot of today’s commercial penis enhancement treatments promise results that are based solely on unproven assertions. The difference between those hunks of junk and the FleshPump: the Flesh Pump uses clinically proven methods to get the job done. Aren’t you glad you waited?
What Is the Fleshlight FleshPump Electronic Penis Pump?
If you haven’t figured it out yet, the Fleshlight brand Flesh Pump is a penis pump. No, it is not one of those suction cup shits from your local fuck shop. And no, it can’t double as an air pump for your bicycle tires. It is, for all intents and purposes, a vacuum powered machine that helps your dick reach its full potential.
The thing we liked most about the FleshPump was that it was super easy to use. There were no special creams or topical formulas to concoct in our kitchens, which was good news for our unsuspecting partners (who had no idea what was going on thanks to the discrete packaging it was shipped in). The Fleshlight brand simply stuck their FleshPump in an unmarked box and sent it out like 007 on the dick.
The Main Features Of The Fleshpump
Looking at the FleshPump you would think it looked more like a fancy cooking utensil than a penis enlarger. At least, that’s what we told our kids when they found it laying around the house. But despite its otherwise innocuous appearance, the pump is a powerful tool that uses an intense automatic vacuum system to gently draw blood to the shaft. Over time, and after numerous forced erections, the FleshPump promises both an enhanced dick and a more satisfying sex life.
The entire contraption is sleek and simple, measuring just over 13 inches in length. It accommodates an 8-inch penis, which means that even average-sized dudes can pump up the jam. Apparently, the scientists who worked alongside the Fleshlight development team found out that performing regular vacuum therapy on a man’s cock can promote sexual stamina and create firmer erections. On a side note, this is a terrific argument for the health benefits of a good blow job, but we digress. The great part about the Flesh Pump is that it’s completely battery operated, so there’s no manual pumping whatsoever. It also doesn’t produce a climax, unless you’re into that sort of thing, so cleaning it is beyond easy.
What Comes in the Box?
Opening the box? Well, that’s another story. As usual, the Fleshlight brand seals up their sex toys like Fort Knox. Once we pried the lid off, we found the following accoutrements waiting for us inside:
- The FleshLight Electric FleshPump (of course)
- NOTE: It features a quick release safety valve in case you become overzealous about your dick size.
- A standard Fleshlight Donut sleeve for the opening
- A bonus Fleshlight Supple Donut sleeve
- A clear cylinder that attaches to the electric FleshPump apparatus
- A universal USB charging cable
- A 20-ounce sample of FleshPump lube
- An instruction manual
We did notice on the manual that Fleshlight asks users of the Flesh Pump to read and agree to the Terms and Conditions if they want to take advantage of the quality guarantee. This is done by taking a quick trip to the website; simple enough.
How Does The Fleshpump Feel?
What’s not simple is trying to describe how this thing feels like when it’s on your dick. Imagine having someone suck the entirety of your cock with a gentle, unrelenting vengeance – head, shaft, and all. The FleshPump is like that. It creates such a hefty suction that it feels like your soul is being vacuumed out of your body in the gentlest way possible. Simply put, the FleshPump will make your dick bigger or it will die trying.
Our Cheers and Jeers
Nothing gets by us with an A+ rating, even if it is made by one of our favorite brands. It’s our job to remain objective despite otherwise obvious proof to the contrary. After all, how would these manufacturers know what to improve on their precious products if we didn’t give them hell about every single detail? With that said, there is what our team thought about the new Fleshlight FleshPump.
- Getting Snappy – The entire contraption can be snapped together in an instant and turned on without having to be charged. We like that shit.
- Slowly, But Surely (Don’t call us Shirley) – The results are designed to be gradual and they are. Most of us noticed a change in under 2 weeks though, which isn’t bad considering it only needs to be used for about an hour a day.
- The Price is Right – For less than $120 you can increase the size and strength of your dick in the comfort of your own home without using stinky topical creams or ointments. You spend more than that on stupid bullshit every day.
- Nobody Needs to Know – Since you don’t have to manually pump this son of a bitch, you can achieve your goal without the entire household knowing about it.
- Hefty Lightweight – The slender yet durable design and compact yet ergonomic shape make this thing ideal for pumping on the go, and it doesn’t hurt that it weighs under 2 pounds either.
- Beginner’s Luck – The Flesh Pump works wonders whether you are new to this or have tried everything under the sun.
- Strong Start – Ideal for more than enlarging penis size, the Flesh Pump can help you achieve a rock-hard erection before the action shot.
- One Size Fits Most – Although the Flesh Pump is already mighty, it will not accommodate larger penises. So, if you are 8 inches or bigger, you will not be turning into John Holmes anytime soon.
- Hurts So Good – Some of us thought the tug from the powerful vacuum system was a bit too much, but others thought it wasn’t enough. Unfortunately, it only has one setting so you’re stuck with what you get whether you like it or not.
- On the Chain Gang – The Flesh Pump is nice because it doesn’t require batteries or a charger, but what sucks about that is the fact that you end up being tethered to the wall while using it.
- Falling Apart – If you don’t snap together the pieces just right, the whole thing falls apart in your hands when you turn it on. We suggest looking at the operating manual beforehand just to be sure.
SIMILAR PENIS ENLARGEMENT DEVICES:
- Get a visibly bigger penis within 15 minutes
- Increase Your Sexual Stamina
- Decrease and Prevent Premature Ejaculation
- Made from high quality polycarbonate plastics
- Bathmate Hydropump Series
- Great for beginner users
- Increases length & girth
- 2 year waranty
- Guaranteed results, or full refund
- Hydromax X-Series
- Increases length & girth of your penis
- Harder, stronger erections
- Completely safe to use
- Guaranteed results, or full refund
Comparable to other high-end penis pumps in that it requires regular treatments to render results, the Flesh Pump achieves maximum potential in about 90 days of continual use. And while we can’t say that’s lightning fast, we can’t complain either. After all, this thing is sexy, stylish, high-tech, and worthy of a fair shake.
The Final Verdict
It didn’t take us long to render our judgment upon the new Fleshlight Flesh Pump, and that’s not because we’re quick to make up our minds. It’s just that when you have a male enhancement tool that actually works like it’s supposed to, you start to see results before you expect it. That was exactly the case here.
Not only did we achieve some impressive penis growth, we started to notice that our erections were much harder and our stamina was a lot more inspiring. We can’t say we’ve tried every single penis pump on market, but let’s face it: some of them aren’t even worth our time. The Flesh Pump, however, is getting an 8 out of 10, and that’s worth something in and of itself. You can find out more or buy it at the official Fleshlight website.
Despite the fact that John James is quite the character, there is one thing he has in common with everyone else: he likes a high quality sex toy just as much as the next guy.
Noticing that there were no legitimate websites out there reviewing all the amazing synthetic vaginas on the market, John James set out to do something about it.
After all, it is painfully obvious that today’s men really need to know more about their options.